Done for Everything

终于结束所有的打包以及搬运了——正巧今天生理期也来，真是累的只想躺下了…幸亏有Barry的帮忙，要不然就真的捉襟见肘了。Barry啊谢谢你！！到美国来以后你是我见过的第二个好人了吧——如果Melissa算一个的话。不仅帮我搬了东西，还请我吃了法国餐，最后的那个甜点还真的把我给噎住了~囧~老天爷平时在我身边安放着的全部都是考验我的人，偶尔也算是安慰安慰我给我按差一个贵人吧——得知足常乐了…回美国的时候还得专门给他带点东西才是，记得还得请他一顿上海餐。人的一生似乎都在不停的寻找知己，但当真的遇到以后似乎又真的平淡如水呢——希望Barry真能成为平淡如水的至交。

回到家的时候也不知道是怎么回事，可能是房东来查房的关系吧…房间的门大大的敞开…还好电脑，钱包都在——阿弥陀佛，菩萨保佑。虽说整理的差不多了，东西搬掉了以后房间也真是空了很多，但是零零碎碎的小东西还真的不少，这里放放，那里放放，包就一下子重了很多很多…这回估计真的是要超重了…真的得罚款了…钱不够的话真的得问爸妈要了…早知道的话这个星期就去上班了——虽然天下雨下的真的很大…我还真像算命先生说的——钱来的快，花的也快呢…今天早晨两个包裹一寄就是两百多，还真是心痛…希望两个包裹不要超过70磅才好，否则我真的付不起…

Mika现在才发来短信。真的不清楚这个女孩是怎么过日子的——该魂灵头桑桑紧的时候糊糊涂涂，现在忽然又想起我来了——这不是存心让自己难看么…哎~算了，她就是这样的女孩，似乎自己也没有要改的意思，就让她去吧…
事情繁杂，顾不上她…接下来还给和房东发信息，给电话充话费一大堆事情要做——果然东西搬好了以后也不是完全就OK了啊…估计到日本后也暂时不能休息了吧…明天早上很早就得起床，今天得早点睡了…

愿老爸老妈身体健康！
阿弥陀佛！
菩萨保佑！

Being left behind - again

Being completely tired after coming back from the dinner @ Mika's house. She's always a busy individual, who seems like under pressure all the time, which is actually not. I personally don't really care about the meals or dinner or something, but the thing is if you really wanna do it, then do it good, don't just hush it like a project you have to do. If the meals is not good, I prefer not to have it... And I have to be schedule tightly with other plans...? I could've been just ignored if that's plan... Maybe just don't pay attention to me would be better for me. Anyway, I was left behind - again, but I'm already used to it. The one thing I didn't think of is that I could cat cucumber pretty well. Have never using knives before, I didn't know I kind of have talents of cooking, which will probably surprise Leo too. He probably gonna joke me by asking me to marry him again. lol...

Being annoyed by the Transitional English class on AIPOD, it just makes me sick to log on into the classroom. By browsing the weeks assignments, I just wish it could as fast as a click. But the truth always wake me up. I have another math class, and so does Mika. Good luck Mika~ Tomorrow is another busy day - there're many things to be thrown away, there're many things to be put into the suitcase, and there're so many things to be sealed up - like my life. Although I wanted to say that "my life is a crap" many times, but by pushing myself thinking in a positive way, I sealed that up deep in my mind somewhere I don't know. Anyway, tomorrow is another busy day. Wish myself good luck.

Bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

Getting ready for the end of the month

Today is another sunny - sunshine can always make people pleased although it's hot somehow, but compared with the wet, it's far way better. Done with the confirming the air ticket and calling the cab driver today. It went pretty fluently, which made me be appreciate to Buddha again deep in my heart - AMTF~ After going through so many things, I realized that getting through everything smoothy is the best happiness in this world. Normal people have their smoothy, ambition people have their smoothy, and I have my smoothy, although I have no idea if I am an ambitious or a normal individual... There's never good or bad about ambitious or ordinary people, it's just their abilities that make them different, or even being appreciated or cursed. I...want to be appreciated...can I...?

I get my refund check from Gail today, a little bit regret. I should have asked her to forward it to next year when I come back, so that my parents could pay less for the tuition. But, just in case for the overweight luggages fine and the meal payment, It's not just to keep the refund. Becker and Steve keep asking me when I am gonna meet them before I leave. Time always passes fast, and people change with the time passing. I'm not even sure if my feeling for Becker and Steve changed to a what level. But one thing I'm sure - neither positive nor negative, or, either positive or negative. From the first time I came here as a vulnerable little girl to today as a girl who's going to Japan by herself, even without her parents' help, I have no idea how much I grew or developed, or even jumped. But I won't feel sorry for them if I've already left them behind in my subconscious mind. Sometimes I AM that kind of cold-bloody. I need bricks to climb up, and if they are appropriate, I won't hesitate. But I know Steve is not.

Mika already transferred to Suffolk University, and she needs to take Math class again~ Poor Mika. And, please don't say sorry in the phone that you're not sure if you're going back to Japan this winter. I know you're sure; you just don't wanna help me. I got it! No one wants to help me - it's just that simple. And I don't even mind anymore now. I'm used to being along and helpless. It's fine. Just don't be fake next time, and I wish you had a good time in Suffolk, for real.

About the chat with Pawel? I don't even wanna talk about this guy, what can I say about him? Innocent? or dump? Just like people say there's only one line between love and hate, I just wanna say there's only one line between innocent and stupid... God bless you Pawel~

Bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

August 26th - finally sunny

The sun finally came out today - thank god!! and I finally got a chance to go out of the room and let myself be under the sunshine - just to want to go to the school and have lunch... There're are still a couple of meals left in my plan. I gotta use it up before I leave - a good reason to go to the school~
Lunch is a crap again, as always, and I didn't literally realize the the new semester is really beginning until I saw those new students coming in for lunch. Well, somehow they're not really the new one. Everyone here is the same, same for every year... I don't want to criticize the admissions departments' mission and vision, but I'm tired of everything here. I guess the what the Sina constellation's test told about me is correct. I travel maybe just because I want to escape of something. That's right, I just want to run away from this miserable place...

The shoe design was sent to Leo yesterday. I can understand the way he criticized my design, but I still cannot understand where his confidence comes from. Although there's a "beautiful" inspiration story and colorful design indeed, according to him, but has he realized that the figure on the shoes and those little decorations are just impossible to be put on the shoes? Or maybe I am the one who is too practical about the design? This is the first time I designed the shoes, and I did put efforts on it, but I didn't know that I need to be more colorful rather than my black, but shining design. Anyway, I kind of give up my design and kind of believed his criticize, but I still don't think he's gonna win a Mac or something. If his design belongs to one category, than there're too many shoes like that, and even better design than him, I think. I guess it's because I want to pop up from those the same category that makes me design a shoes like that... No matter I win or not, I'll pay attention to those who won and see what is a good design. It's kind of impossible for me to ask those who judge and make the decision, but I want to learn more or less from this contest anyway - time cannot be wasted in my life.

I missed the online chatting with my dad again, because I was packing.

Anyway, bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

August 25th - another rainy day

Being reluctant to log into the AIPOD, browsing whatever website, I didn't even want to check my mailbox to see if Becker has replied. It's another nasty day that makes me no intention to go out at all, but still, meals out from Super 88.
I finally finish the shoe-design, and made the powerpoint to present it, and sent the PPT to those whoever supervise/manage the competition, which I'm pretty confident about. I have no idea why Leo is so confident about his piece with the real feather/fur design, but when I realized I was confident about my design, that seems like makes sense to me. Designers/ writers/ movie makers... all the artists are all confident about their "masterpiece", and so am I? I am not an artist, but maybe~
While the rewards seems pretty much attractive to me, I just hope I won't lose - at least I spent efforts into it. I don't wanna be snobbish, but hopefully I can get payback... and good luck, Leo.

Melissa is still playing her crazy music constantly, and I have f***ing no idea that why there's a pool of cat litter outside of my door. It's just getting more and more ridiculous as the end of this month is coming. Listening to This American Life, although I've heard this episode already, but listening to the people talking about U.S., New York, I was just blind-minded while listening to the rock of Melissa's music. The painting smell from downstairs came up to the first floor. Oh god, why do I need to put up with all of this...

Alright, I really need to log into the AIPOD now...

Bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

August 24th - another rainy day

I really have no idea what I've pushed myself into thinking about...or even not, maybe it's just me - I feel a little bit depressive when there's nothing for me to even think about, or maybe it's just the nasty weather. Today is another raining day. After I suffered in the drizzles after coming back from the office, holding the $3.94 paper boxes, with my umbrella not opening for myself, I just decided not to going out again today. Therefore, no Becker, no Steve, no meal, no pictures, and no One to One Program - shame on me... BTW, I think I probably gonna use the One to One in Japan more than in the U.S.? Sorry Becker, Sorry Steve, and Sorry for all the international students enrolling today. What a disgusting weather it is~

Again, I was waken up by someone who wanted to check out the house. I got Zion's call previously, but I ignored it anyway, and it turned out that it's actually people coming again. I was kind of laughing to myself when I heard the guy who showed the room said that "there was a party last night, but we'll clean up all that mess later." It's all the same lie all the time~all the time~and there're people who can be lied to, I guess? Sorry for the good ones who're gonna move in, not sorry for the party/crazy/drama ones.

I finally got message back from Mika, not beyond my imagination at all. She said she's not sure if she'll go back to Japan, because of the visa issue problem, while she confirmed that she's going back this winter, and promised to send the pack to where I live. It's always the same~always the same. I guess it's probably just because we international students that made us cold blood. Maybe local/native Americans/Chinese are better than us vagabond? I hope so...

I though I would be pretty relaxed in these days taking a rest, but it turned out not. I just thought of that I still need to put the bad sheet into the box, but it seems like there's no more places for bed sheets. I just want to throw the blanket away, but can I??? The room is not turing the direction of being cleaned up, but to the status of being messier and messier. I'm just a complete dump~

Bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

Rainy Day

Finally done with the washing clothes every Sunday, as always.
Getting up from the afternoon sleep, just because Peter's friends were so drunk last night (or this morning), that their craziness just didn't let me sleep both in the night or in the morning around 9am. I just have no idea how these guys can be so energetic even without a whole night sleep. Am I too old? or they're too young...? I might now understand a little power of alcohol and drugs, but it still doesn't make any sense to me, why? I have no idea~

Drinking my instant tea made from the tea-bag, looking at outside from my little window, just can't believe this kind of weather-raining all the day, 66°F-cold like fall, as dark as the evening. 2012 is coming~= v =~ I don't even have time to think about that. The way Americans drive only can drive me crazy. Looking at my green short summer pants, can believe how they can drive like that and spill the water along the curb to me, making my whole back wet!! It was so embarrassing that my green short pant was completely on the back and stick to my butt. I just wish people didn't notice that at all, especially the Korean guy (guess he was Korean). Surprisingly, maybe because of the clothes, it dries pretty fast. After I bought the Lollicup and arrived at home, it almost dried, only a few small deep dots on the pockets-Thank you mom! You always buy nice thing for me! = v =

That just reminds me that I shopped again @ Anthropologie right after the One to One tutor @ Apple, using my own money... Looking at the pictures that I took in the Apple store by using photo booth, "I do have a big nose..." I said to myself, reminding me that the face/palm reader once told me that "you earn money fast, but also use it fast". Now it's completely proved. I guess I just feel depressed that I don't buy clothes, or maybe just want to prove my taste of fashion to mom that I can pick up clothes by myself. No need from her to pick up clothes for me anymore. But she's not gonna stop, I know. The Antropologies member card which is a pure green is really my taste, especially the green by the way.

Melissa finally turned off her crazy music. Having been in the U.S. for 2 years, I just have no idea why in world American young people like that kind of music-only base and drums. There's even no tones or scores... and they get pissed of when you ask them to turn it down. =_= There's still no reply back from Mika... I have no idea what happened to her. I sent the message to her by all means of ways: Facebook, email, text-messaging, voice mail... Just hope she could reply me back soon... Otherwise, it's another broken promise... Don't do that, Mika.

Wish my parents in good health.
Amituofo!
Pusabaoyou!

The end of August is coming~

Finally got a chance to call the f***ing landlord this afternoon by using the phone in the office-different phone number, and he picked up-Ah ha!! Now it turned out he just set up the phone so that if it's my number or Andy's number, it's automatically goes into the voice message. I have no idea what to say: only ten days left and he's acting like that? almost like Melissa! No wonder people say that similar people get together. I guess Andy and me is the same type of person, and the rest are the same: the nuts~ He said he's gonna call the contractor, but since no one had ever come, I guess he's using his old stupid trick again: lying. I don't even bothered to leave the bathtub like that, and the cat-litter in there now seems like not stinky anymore, but I need to wash my clothes on Sunday, by not using the washing machine downstairs.=_= How am I gonna clean all the thing by without running the water from the bath-tub...? It's just ridiculous, and a really hard problem for me to solve. If I still could call Zion, the problem might be solved, and now he just ignored my call. The sad thing is I'm going literally psychologically crazy. Sometimes, I just wish I could go to sleep and everything disappear, once I opened my eyes, everything is going to be normal and good. But the truth breaks my illusion anyway... There's ever a way to run away.

The plan is to stop working from the next week and take a good rest and be really "serious" for packing, as Barry said. There is still necessary to take out something from one package to another, and send the bed sheet to the laundry room. I'm not sure if I'm going to be okay without the bed sheet on me and under me for the nights left, but I have to go through these days left anyway-again, there's no choice. There're just so many things to do. Tomorrow is another day for one-to-one. By the way, the case arrived today, that speed is pretty impressive. = v = Just it's too purple that makes me a little sick of it. I thought it would be a lighter purple, according to the picture online. But since Mabel seems really found of purple, which shut me off the judge about the case-have no idea why couldn't I judge the case of mine. That's the case I bought~

Well, well, tomorrow is another day. I guess Zion is just not gonna come in today and he's not gonna fix the bath-tub anyway, so, what can I do~

Wish my parents healthy.
Amituofo!
Pusabaoyou!

珍珠奶茶店复活~

可能是住在现在这种地方的关系吧，晚上都睡不好，早上还要早起上班，真的很累。
今天回家睡了半个小时以后去Shaw's买水果，实在是没有力气走在路上，只想一屁股坐下来拉倒，但是生活就真的是这样——没有办法没有办法。
MAC的事情也倒算是解决了，不用我自己亲自去买，也可以省下一笔税（应该是这样吧）。只是希望他们能早点寄到，也好方便我整理…还要让他们帮我看看自己这边的图片啊video clip啊什么的能不能放到MAC里面放——还有很多事情要做啊…囧…貌似永远也忙不过来。而住在这边的人又是一群不知天高地厚整天只知道party的年轻美国人，也不知道体谅别人。整个房间又是猫臭又是狗臭，我也算是臭掉了…从1月份到8月份，也不晓得自己是怎么熬过来的，也就这样熬过来了…= =…日子快乐不容我数…

今天从学校拿到了自己的sophomore portfolio presentation的录像，不管是在学校还是在自己的电脑上都花了很多的时间才打开——可能是学校的制作方法太先进？或者是太老…？Anyway，看见自己被录的样子除了想笑也没有别的了——冬天果然是胖的要死——Leena说的一点也不错，整个脸就是圆的~囧~还好是拍的侧面，要不然的话连我自己也要吓一跳…= =拿回家给老爸老妈看不知道他们会有什么反映，就给他们当个有趣的东西消遣消遣吧。但是唯一没有想到的是自己的美英说的还真不错——貌似还挺标准的，自己也有些意外…是呆在美国的时间呆的长了的关系吧，说话的样子也想美国人了…也算是我这连年来的一些小成就了…（只是去了日本后英语就可能退化了…）另外没有想到的就是我的声音了——怎么会那么难听…完全没有想到那是我自己的声音：还以为自己的声音会更加沉稳一些…没想到竟然是这个样子的——以后要是成名了被别人采访的话这个声音可不行~囧~就在YY了…= =

没想到的是冬冬竟然能在facebook上找到我——这倒是从来没有想到了，那么快就知道了facebook并且都马上用起来了。把我逼的有些紧了…及时把其中的一个相册封掉，以免让他们知道了我想做的事情…想起来也悲哀——为什么连自己的理想都要隐藏——看上去连有个梦想都是意见错误的事情。只能怪我自己前世作孽太多，这辈子带来了那么多的孽缘，我也渐渐的明白了这些是逃不掉的，与其逃避，不如实实在在的面对，好好地想想，理清思路，想出解决办法比较好——只是这样的孽缘哪有那么简单就理清…只是是在不愿意他们上一辈的事情拖到我们这一辈…将来的事情谁都不知道，将来上一辈的不在了，我们这一辈的也不算是至亲的亲戚，还会在一起吃年夜饭嘛…还会联系嘛…这样的事情谁都说不准…连老爸这一辈的都不联系了，更别说我们这一辈的了——一个人晚上躺在床上的时候会想很多很多，因为我的没有智慧，多的只能是无奈…╯﹏╰

日子一天天的逼近，和日本的联系也越来越频繁；MIKA也要转到Suffolks去了；leena也回去了；我也要走了；Steve又在那边装好人了；Becker貌似把我的书也拿走了？Boffi整天叨念这事情；中国那边老爸老妈整天活在那一团解不开的结中；我这边也没好到哪里去……
太多太多的事情going on，已经管不了那么多了——生活就是这样就是这样。庆幸的是，奶茶店的刷卡机修好了——珍珠奶茶店复活O(∩_∩)O~也算是一种安慰吧…

愿老爸老妈身体健康！
阿弥陀佛！
菩萨保佑！

一切都在变化，但疲劳仍在

事情不多但却是很劳累的一天…
再次去问了学费的事情，确定了以后回来告诉了老爸。虽然只是音频，但从声音也听得出了——我想要的那种感觉。终于等到了，那种我一直想要的感觉：我已经算是一个靠得住的小孩了，不是有很大的能力，虽然真的只是一点点，但能从实际上帮上父母了。我终于能帮上爸妈一点点了…直到现在还不能相信Gail对我说的那些话，想着学费的事情，心里祈求着这不是一场梦，千万千万再不要像之前一次又一次的那样重蹈覆辙，梦幻破灭了。真的真的不要再这样了——我这次真的一点点都没有高兴，更何况别谈轻飘飘到天上去了，所以——千万千万别再让我感受摔下来的痛苦了…我这回真的真的没有高兴，真的真的没有轻飘飘，所以老天爷，求求你这不是一场梦…
能为老爸老妈节约一点钱真的是我出国留学以来一直的愿望——所以，就算是算在孝心的份上，也请达成我的这个愿望吧…
另外就是提前毕业的问题了。果然经济上一放松我的心里上也放松了呢…心里想着这是一件不好的事情，可是又不愿意去强迫自己做高压的事情，果然我还是得把提前毕业的事情放在心上吧…越想就越觉得自己已经开始堕落了——人果然要在逆境中才能成长…先把日本的学业好好完成吧！

另外就是MacBook Pro的事情了,下午专门去了Mac的转销商店去咨询，晚上和老爸音频的很长时间，到现在还在和网上的staff谈论问题。一台电脑真的是要花去很多时间和精力啊…想起早上问小黄老师的电脑是不是Mac的时候人家回答哪有那么先进，再看看我明明再花老爸老妈的钱买黄老师说“那么先进”的东西——我真的是太罪恶了：完全都没有给我爸妈省钱嘛…刚省下来的学费又给用掉了，要不是老爸在那边提醒我网上上课的学费，我还真给彻彻底底的忘记了…囧…我真的真的真的真的是太罪恶了…又不想提早毕业，又把网上学费的事情给忘记了，又用老爸老妈的钱买机票，还要他们付在日本的房租——上面还在说我变成了一个可靠的小孩，这回醒过来一看我完全不是一个可靠的小孩啊…囧…真害怕是不是自己又轻飘飘的了…= =希望不是…正碰到赶上季节可以免税网上买，也算是老天爷帮我了，这回真的是阿弥陀佛，菩萨保佑了！

日子一天天的逼近，睡在床上，便想起了还要去洗衣店把那套床单给洗了…事情果然少不下来…但愿一切顺利吧…真的希望我帮老爸老妈减轻负担吧…
愿老爸老妈身体健康！
阿弥陀佛！
菩萨保佑！

8.8-立秋

虽然现在已经习惯每个星期天的洗衣服工作了，但每次完工以后总是特别的累，腰酸背痛的，明明知道是自己缺乏运动，却还在想着自己已经提前衰老了~= v =~尤其是多出一条裤子多出一双袜子之类的，要洗的量加大，人也就更累了。更没有想到的是，冬天老妈帮我新买的那双手套竟然退色退的那么厉害，害得我的那块洗脸毛巾都变成手套的那颜色了，而原本那个咖啡色的手套真的是不知道是什么颜色的了，灰不灰，黑不黑的~囧~那么多的东西晾在窗口吹干，还真是一道风景呢…= =
今天是8.8--立秋，日期真的是一天一天的近了呢…楼下的那几位貌似已经把房间清空了，而我的房间就好像动都没有动过的一样。毕竟，除了桌子和椅子是我自己的，其他的东西也都是本来就有的，也清空不到哪里去~但看着别人空荡荡的房子，自己心里又着实着急，想要先搬点东西，但想想因为太重而要叫cab的话还是一次性的整理好在走之前运过去比较好…

昨天因为好奇看到了PS上的3D的使用，便到官方网站上看了视频动画的剪辑的介绍，看的晕头转向——于是索性到AE的官方网站上去看怎么用软件的，真是不看不知道一看吓一跳了…功能实在是多的记不过来，真让人觉得overwhelming了…= =突然想起了每次课前自我介绍的时候有一个课的老师曾经跟我说过我的主修是一个很intense的program。现在仅仅是看了其中的几个视频就感觉到Intense了，不知道将来该怎么办。虽然没有放弃或者中途而废的念头，但是更加坚信了我离我那遥远的梦想的距离了…真的真的真的真的好远啊…之前一直还在抱怨一直在学基础不能再基础的课，现在才发现，不把基础的PS或者AI学好，怎么去学那些高难度的东西…我的路还真的是很长很长——自己尝试这去想怎么会选取这条路的，但怎么想也想不起来了…睡在床上的时候偶尔也想了想ASK用FLASH做的那个《路上的钢琴师》的预告片，看出来了有些部分明显是用FLASH做的，运动贵规律是如此的别扭，便又想果然还是传统手绘的好，那些机器的东西做出来的感觉也想机器一样，但又反过来一想，传统手工的人力物力不是一点点，便又只好无奈的叹叹气了…哎…谁来跟我说说该怎么办…

好久没有和家里视频了，偶尔一次也觉得特别的开心~= v =~想着他们问我这个少付的1，500是一个学期的还是一年的，他们猜测是一学期的，但当我告诉他们是一年的时候，终于有了我想看到的反映，总算是有些成就感了吧——也算是用事实让爸妈见证了我的实力了。其实少付了多少钱并不是那么的重要了（当然，毕竟少付那么多，对于他们来说还是很重要的），重要的是让他们发现一系列的改变，不管是我也好，他们自己也好，或者是周围的环境也好，如果这些变化能让他们多多少少开心一些，心情舒畅一些，我再怎么辛苦也算值得的了吧~
至于家里的那些个去英国去哪里的事情，我也管不了那么多了…暂且先把他们放在一边管好自己的事情吧。想着我自己这样的想法，忽然想起了师傅。师傅对于老妈的心态是不是也像我这样呢…管不了那么多，还是先把老妈扔在一边吧…越想可能性就越大——寒意袭袭…
说到师傅，他那Q上的状态还真是让我给好好笑了一把，“鸟人何时有，今年特别多”没想到他也会有不淡定的时候~笑的我真是今年以来最开怀的一次了，看着我们所谓于圣人的人的普通语句，似乎真能让我舒缓不少呢…只希望我妈不属于他所谓的“鸟人”的其中一个吧…他也应该没有那个精力去考虑老妈吧…

立秋了，时间真的过的很快。
愿老爸老妈身体健康！
阿弥陀佛！
菩萨保佑！

炎炎暑假

洗澡的肥皂用完了，今天终于没有忘记去Shaw's去买香皂了。
在路上碰到年轻的大学生小帅哥们问路人关于T的状况。因为自己乘坐T的关系，实在是希望政府能多播些款用在T上。虽然知道这个可能性也不大因为美国毕竟是一个大家都开车的地方。那些乘T的都是些没钱的穷人们，我也是其中的一位。在写地址的时候犹豫了一下，但还是写了。照片就免了。
奶茶店的刷卡机还是没有修好，因为是在不想是用cash，这真是硬逼着我戒掉奶茶的瘾啊…

Zion还是那么的搓气——半点事情总是那么拖拖拉拉，一点都不男人~搞了老半天还是搞不清楚实际的情况，真不知道这人是怎么活到现在的，看着他面相还不错，其实真是绣花枕头一包草啦~所谓的傻人有傻福差不多就是这个意思吧~
昨天和老爸视频了，跟他说了奖学金的事情和换汇率的事情，结果他那边的反映也不是很大，似乎有点失望呢…要是以前的话他老人家肯定会说我长大了——应该是好事情吧，已经不用担心我的办事能力了，对我能力的增长也渐渐放心了，对我的办事能力也渐渐的相信了。想想虽然时间也不是很长，仅仅2年而已，但似乎发生了太多太多，多的远远超过2年之间可以发生的事情，逼迫着我的抗压能力不断增强，虽然痛苦，也算是好事情吧。

离去日本的日子越来越近了。日语却没有复习的那么起劲了——哎，我真是越来越懒啊…看这个势头真是只等着去日本玩吧…囧…
这几天突然热起来了，一直穿着那条黑色西短，被太阳啥的腿都变成两条的了，被裤子盖住的地方是白的，露出来的地方变成黑的了~= v =~
炎炎夏日还是要继续熬啊~
愿老爸老妈身体健康！
阿弥陀佛！
菩萨保佑！

生活

就这样静静的一天天的等待着8月底的来临。
可能真的是经期综合症的关系吧，昨天没办成或者是办错的事情今天给挽救过来以后心里似乎也舒坦了平静了些…自己的错误又让自己浪费了1快钱，在用“用钱买教训”的安慰中也责怪自己，为什么总是那么粗枝大叶…明明8月份的房租不用付，为什么自己还会忘记…过去的事情已经过去了，错误也已经造成了，记下来的就是想办法不能再犯同样的错误了，还有就是怎么去对付Zion这个超级麻烦的人…= =
昨天又稍微整理了一下橱柜上的东西，扔掉了很多很多——每次整理东西的时候总是会扔掉很多很多之前拿来却没有用过的东西呢…打印了一大堆日语的文章看也没有看就被我扔掉了。整整两大袋子的废弃物。突然柜子上空出了许多，一下子觉得release很多，虽然还有很多的东西等着装进箱子，甚至还有装不下的可能，超重的可能，等等一大堆头疼的事情等着我，但是看看桌子上腾出了很多地方，似乎也好受些。每次这个时候总是会羡慕起那些有男朋友的人，似乎才有在这个时候才会发现有男朋友的作用，帮自己做自己任何想要人来帮自己做的事情。除此之外，也想不到别的了——是因为我一直一个人的关系嘛…？或许吧…每次急切的想求助于人，或者想要别人帮我的时候总是自己孤独一个，不知道是天意呢，还是我RP问题呢，总是得不到帮助呢…= v =而那些得的到帮助的女生们，每次想起他们用relationship来回报，就情不自禁的厌恶无比…所谓的供需就是这样的了，他们已经给我很好的表现出来了。再怎么说市场供需，其实真正的供需是男女之间的吧——哎，如果上帝真的存在的话，为什么要造出人类这种那么罪恶的生物呢…

屋子里仍是一股烟味，或许还是二手的…忍不住欲望的人永远也忍不住欲望…明天仍然要去上班，因为在Cambridge的关系，音乐会也去不成了，慢慢的整理行李吧，能挑出多少就挑出多少了…千万不要超重才好…
老爸老妈对我做成的事情没有什么comments；看着Q上的人们上上下下，感觉时间的流逝，不知道这是不是就是生活。也不知道我在看着ASK的博客的动画简介时的心情是不是也是生活的一部分——但愿我不要太理想化才好…

愿老爸老妈身体健康！
阿弥陀佛！
菩萨保佑！

自作自受

跑了一整天的路，脚实在是酸疼的可以——只能怪自己办事不周，才会出此结果。囧
明明8月份的房租就不用付了，我还是去买了money order,结果去退的时候又要我的passport。明明知道Coolige Corner那边能直接换日元，还跑到学校那边的银行那边浪费时间。一天下来，什么事情都没有办成…
唯独办成的意见事情只能算是问学校有多讨了3000刀，减轻减轻老爸老妈负担——老爸老妈，我真的已经尽力了…我真的累了…我真的想回家了…

愿你们身体健康！
阿弥陀佛！
菩萨保佑！

❀正8月❀

虽然中国应该已经是8月2号了，这边今天正式进入8月份——要忙起来了吧。
在家里的时候果然还是忍不住嘴馋东吃西吃吃了很多。我果然不能多买吃的东西，一买就会控制不了自己呢…哎…这样的控制力…也算悲哀的了~之前减下来的估计又全毁了…囧…
因为Zion打来电话我没有接才想起来要交8月份的房租了——又要交钱了囧~另外也得问他把那个deposit拿回来了——想到这里，啊~终于可以离开这个鬼地方了。这几天Melissa仍是毫不顾忌的放着她那个radio，震的我的墙壁和地板啊…都快瘫下来了…再加上左边Peter房间里放着电影之类的，真是双面夹击啊~我自己也不知道自己是怎么熬过这半年多的，真是难熬的半年多啊~现在一想到终于可以离开了，真的觉得是上帝在救赎我…以后找房子真的不敢再在这里找了。虽然大家问我住在哪里的时候都没怎么说，也只有Julie在那里感叹了一下下，估计大家都知道Brighten啦Allston啦其实是很让人头疼的地方吧——今天透过窗外看见那个警察开着警车的时候还伸出头来看看地上是不是有玻璃呢——我们这条街在警察那里也出名了吧…囧…住在这种地方，911也算是播过了，人生也算是完整了~= v =~

小黄老师的学生会的事情好像也算是解决了，学生会团委每个人4个部门——很好的解决方案= v =，人生何必和别人争得你死我活，再加上之前就已经欺压别人很长时间了，想必那个团委的人也是是在忍不住才出此下策的吧~只是我对这个小孩的看法连我自己都有些想不出为什么了。从小学3年级暗恋到现在，在他加我QQ的时候紧张的脑子一片空白，现在却没有了当初的感觉——是为什么呢，自己也不清楚：所谓“距离产生美”？或许吧，相隔的远了，思念也好，怀念也好，什么都涌出来了，一旦近了，便什么都没有了。看着他打过来的字，很奇怪自己竟然没有激动，不要说激动，连一点感动也没有…？
我：“早点睡吧，明天还要去实习呢，对吧”
老师：“额，想你睡不着。哈哈”
我：“哈哈，又把我捧到天上了= v =”
老师：“没没，事实”
我：“呵呵，小黄老师不仅很能领导男生，也很会哄女孩子啊~”
老师：“哪有，我说的是真的啊”
我：“好啦好啦，知道啦~
你要是想我想的睡不着了，第二天没有精神工作，那不就是我不好了~
我可付不起那个责任啊~”
老师：“好了，那我去睡了哦。晚安咯”

为什么，我为什么连一点心跳的感觉都没有~？不是喜欢了他很久很久很久很久很久很久…了嘛…是知道那是天平座特别的说话方式？还是觉得那是假的？还会死已经没有了当初暗恋他的感觉了？从他开始加我QQ的那刻开始？还是从他开始和我聊天开始？这个状态到底是什么？是好？还是坏？我自己也不清楚——只是，失去了当初那种纯真的激动和紧张的自己，似乎有些失落。另外，对于自己错误的估计，也有些不知所措。更多的是无奈吧╭(╯^╰)╮面对时间，我们什么都拥有不了，使能任凭时间拿走我们曾经拥有的东西，自己却不知道被拿走了什么——这是人类的悲哀嘛…？还是我，仅仅是我的悲哀…？

没有那么多世纪青年去考虑感情上的问题了。自己还有很多的事情要忙，8月份已经来了，和日本那边的联系也得渐渐多起来了。还有就是整理包裹的问题了——真的很头疼的一件事情啊…Vanessa也想我当初估计的那样没有得到那份她很想要的工作，哎~她这样的状态怎么找得到工作啊，她这样的状态怎么好意思让我去打电话麻烦她啊…？我都快囧死了——Steve又在那边拖拖拉拉不知道在干点什么，一个人叫天天不灵叫地地不应的deperate的感觉真TMD爽啊…= =自己也想过很多人，Becker啦Barry啦，其实都不行吧。人家凭什么帮我…~
隔壁的Melissa仍是放着她的fucking music，自己心里一团乱…

愿老爸老妈身体健康！
阿弥陀佛！
菩萨保佑！