Being left behind - again

Being completely tired after coming back from the dinner @ Mika's house. She's always a busy individual, who seems like under pressure all the time, which is actually not. I personally don't really care about the meals or dinner or something, but the thing is if you really wanna do it, then do it good, don't just hush it like a project you have to do. If the meals is not good, I prefer not to have it... And I have to be schedule tightly with other plans...? I could've been just ignored if that's plan... Maybe just don't pay attention to me would be better for me. Anyway, I was left behind - again, but I'm already used to it. The one thing I didn't think of is that I could cat cucumber pretty well. Have never using knives before, I didn't know I kind of have talents of cooking, which will probably surprise Leo too. He probably gonna joke me by asking me to marry him again. lol...

Being annoyed by the Transitional English class on AIPOD, it just makes me sick to log on into the classroom. By browsing the weeks assignments, I just wish it could as fast as a click. But the truth always wake me up. I have another math class, and so does Mika. Good luck Mika~ Tomorrow is another busy day - there're many things to be thrown away, there're many things to be put into the suitcase, and there're so many things to be sealed up - like my life. Although I wanted to say that "my life is a crap" many times, but by pushing myself thinking in a positive way, I sealed that up deep in my mind somewhere I don't know. Anyway, tomorrow is another busy day. Wish myself good luck.

Bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

Getting ready for the end of the month

Today is another sunny - sunshine can always make people pleased although it's hot somehow, but compared with the wet, it's far way better. Done with the confirming the air ticket and calling the cab driver today. It went pretty fluently, which made me be appreciate to Buddha again deep in my heart - AMTF~ After going through so many things, I realized that getting through everything smoothy is the best happiness in this world. Normal people have their smoothy, ambition people have their smoothy, and I have my smoothy, although I have no idea if I am an ambitious or a normal individual... There's never good or bad about ambitious or ordinary people, it's just their abilities that make them different, or even being appreciated or cursed. I...want to be appreciated...can I...?

I get my refund check from Gail today, a little bit regret. I should have asked her to forward it to next year when I come back, so that my parents could pay less for the tuition. But, just in case for the overweight luggages fine and the meal payment, It's not just to keep the refund. Becker and Steve keep asking me when I am gonna meet them before I leave. Time always passes fast, and people change with the time passing. I'm not even sure if my feeling for Becker and Steve changed to a what level. But one thing I'm sure - neither positive nor negative, or, either positive or negative. From the first time I came here as a vulnerable little girl to today as a girl who's going to Japan by herself, even without her parents' help, I have no idea how much I grew or developed, or even jumped. But I won't feel sorry for them if I've already left them behind in my subconscious mind. Sometimes I AM that kind of cold-bloody. I need bricks to climb up, and if they are appropriate, I won't hesitate. But I know Steve is not.

Mika already transferred to Suffolk University, and she needs to take Math class again~ Poor Mika. And, please don't say sorry in the phone that you're not sure if you're going back to Japan this winter. I know you're sure; you just don't wanna help me. I got it! No one wants to help me - it's just that simple. And I don't even mind anymore now. I'm used to being along and helpless. It's fine. Just don't be fake next time, and I wish you had a good time in Suffolk, for real.

About the chat with Pawel? I don't even wanna talk about this guy, what can I say about him? Innocent? or dump? Just like people say there's only one line between love and hate, I just wanna say there's only one line between innocent and stupid... God bless you Pawel~

Bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

August 26th - finally sunny

The sun finally came out today - thank god!! and I finally got a chance to go out of the room and let myself be under the sunshine - just to want to go to the school and have lunch... There're are still a couple of meals left in my plan. I gotta use it up before I leave - a good reason to go to the school~
Lunch is a crap again, as always, and I didn't literally realize the the new semester is really beginning until I saw those new students coming in for lunch. Well, somehow they're not really the new one. Everyone here is the same, same for every year... I don't want to criticize the admissions departments' mission and vision, but I'm tired of everything here. I guess the what the Sina constellation's test told about me is correct. I travel maybe just because I want to escape of something. That's right, I just want to run away from this miserable place...

The shoe design was sent to Leo yesterday. I can understand the way he criticized my design, but I still cannot understand where his confidence comes from. Although there's a "beautiful" inspiration story and colorful design indeed, according to him, but has he realized that the figure on the shoes and those little decorations are just impossible to be put on the shoes? Or maybe I am the one who is too practical about the design? This is the first time I designed the shoes, and I did put efforts on it, but I didn't know that I need to be more colorful rather than my black, but shining design. Anyway, I kind of give up my design and kind of believed his criticize, but I still don't think he's gonna win a Mac or something. If his design belongs to one category, than there're too many shoes like that, and even better design than him, I think. I guess it's because I want to pop up from those the same category that makes me design a shoes like that... No matter I win or not, I'll pay attention to those who won and see what is a good design. It's kind of impossible for me to ask those who judge and make the decision, but I want to learn more or less from this contest anyway - time cannot be wasted in my life.

I missed the online chatting with my dad again, because I was packing.

Anyway, bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

August 25th - another rainy day

Being reluctant to log into the AIPOD, browsing whatever website, I didn't even want to check my mailbox to see if Becker has replied. It's another nasty day that makes me no intention to go out at all, but still, meals out from Super 88.
I finally finish the shoe-design, and made the powerpoint to present it, and sent the PPT to those whoever supervise/manage the competition, which I'm pretty confident about. I have no idea why Leo is so confident about his piece with the real feather/fur design, but when I realized I was confident about my design, that seems like makes sense to me. Designers/ writers/ movie makers... all the artists are all confident about their "masterpiece", and so am I? I am not an artist, but maybe~
While the rewards seems pretty much attractive to me, I just hope I won't lose - at least I spent efforts into it. I don't wanna be snobbish, but hopefully I can get payback... and good luck, Leo.

Melissa is still playing her crazy music constantly, and I have f***ing no idea that why there's a pool of cat litter outside of my door. It's just getting more and more ridiculous as the end of this month is coming. Listening to This American Life, although I've heard this episode already, but listening to the people talking about U.S., New York, I was just blind-minded while listening to the rock of Melissa's music. The painting smell from downstairs came up to the first floor. Oh god, why do I need to put up with all of this...

Alright, I really need to log into the AIPOD now...

Bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

August 24th - another rainy day

I really have no idea what I've pushed myself into thinking about...or even not, maybe it's just me - I feel a little bit depressive when there's nothing for me to even think about, or maybe it's just the nasty weather. Today is another raining day. After I suffered in the drizzles after coming back from the office, holding the $3.94 paper boxes, with my umbrella not opening for myself, I just decided not to going out again today. Therefore, no Becker, no Steve, no meal, no pictures, and no One to One Program - shame on me... BTW, I think I probably gonna use the One to One in Japan more than in the U.S.? Sorry Becker, Sorry Steve, and Sorry for all the international students enrolling today. What a disgusting weather it is~

Again, I was waken up by someone who wanted to check out the house. I got Zion's call previously, but I ignored it anyway, and it turned out that it's actually people coming again. I was kind of laughing to myself when I heard the guy who showed the room said that "there was a party last night, but we'll clean up all that mess later." It's all the same lie all the time~all the time~and there're people who can be lied to, I guess? Sorry for the good ones who're gonna move in, not sorry for the party/crazy/drama ones.

I finally got message back from Mika, not beyond my imagination at all. She said she's not sure if she'll go back to Japan, because of the visa issue problem, while she confirmed that she's going back this winter, and promised to send the pack to where I live. It's always the same~always the same. I guess it's probably just because we international students that made us cold blood. Maybe local/native Americans/Chinese are better than us vagabond? I hope so...

I though I would be pretty relaxed in these days taking a rest, but it turned out not. I just thought of that I still need to put the bad sheet into the box, but it seems like there's no more places for bed sheets. I just want to throw the blanket away, but can I??? The room is not turing the direction of being cleaned up, but to the status of being messier and messier. I'm just a complete dump~

Bless my parents in good health!
AMTF!
PSBY!

Rainy Day

Finally done with the washing clothes every Sunday, as always.
Getting up from the afternoon sleep, just because Peter's friends were so drunk last night (or this morning), that their craziness just didn't let me sleep both in the night or in the morning around 9am. I just have no idea how these guys can be so energetic even without a whole night sleep. Am I too old? or they're too young...? I might now understand a little power of alcohol and drugs, but it still doesn't make any sense to me, why? I have no idea~

Drinking my instant tea made from the tea-bag, looking at outside from my little window, just can't believe this kind of weather-raining all the day, 66°F-cold like fall, as dark as the evening. 2012 is coming~= v =~ I don't even have time to think about that. The way Americans drive only can drive me crazy. Looking at my green short summer pants, can believe how they can drive like that and spill the water along the curb to me, making my whole back wet!! It was so embarrassing that my green short pant was completely on the back and stick to my butt. I just wish people didn't notice that at all, especially the Korean guy (guess he was Korean). Surprisingly, maybe because of the clothes, it dries pretty fast. After I bought the Lollicup and arrived at home, it almost dried, only a few small deep dots on the pockets-Thank you mom! You always buy nice thing for me! = v =

That just reminds me that I shopped again @ Anthropologie right after the One to One tutor @ Apple, using my own money... Looking at the pictures that I took in the Apple store by using photo booth, "I do have a big nose..." I said to myself, reminding me that the face/palm reader once told me that "you earn money fast, but also use it fast". Now it's completely proved. I guess I just feel depressed that I don't buy clothes, or maybe just want to prove my taste of fashion to mom that I can pick up clothes by myself. No need from her to pick up clothes for me anymore. But she's not gonna stop, I know. The Antropologies member card which is a pure green is really my taste, especially the green by the way.

Melissa finally turned off her crazy music. Having been in the U.S. for 2 years, I just have no idea why in world American young people like that kind of music-only base and drums. There's even no tones or scores... and they get pissed of when you ask them to turn it down. =_= There's still no reply back from Mika... I have no idea what happened to her. I sent the message to her by all means of ways: Facebook, email, text-messaging, voice mail... Just hope she could reply me back soon... Otherwise, it's another broken promise... Don't do that, Mika.

Wish my parents in good health.
Amituofo!
Pusabaoyou!

The end of August is coming~

Finally got a chance to call the f***ing landlord this afternoon by using the phone in the office-different phone number, and he picked up-Ah ha!! Now it turned out he just set up the phone so that if it's my number or Andy's number, it's automatically goes into the voice message. I have no idea what to say: only ten days left and he's acting like that? almost like Melissa! No wonder people say that similar people get together. I guess Andy and me is the same type of person, and the rest are the same: the nuts~ He said he's gonna call the contractor, but since no one had ever come, I guess he's using his old stupid trick again: lying. I don't even bothered to leave the bathtub like that, and the cat-litter in there now seems like not stinky anymore, but I need to wash my clothes on Sunday, by not using the washing machine downstairs.=_= How am I gonna clean all the thing by without running the water from the bath-tub...? It's just ridiculous, and a really hard problem for me to solve. If I still could call Zion, the problem might be solved, and now he just ignored my call. The sad thing is I'm going literally psychologically crazy. Sometimes, I just wish I could go to sleep and everything disappear, once I opened my eyes, everything is going to be normal and good. But the truth breaks my illusion anyway... There's ever a way to run away.

The plan is to stop working from the next week and take a good rest and be really "serious" for packing, as Barry said. There is still necessary to take out something from one package to another, and send the bed sheet to the laundry room. I'm not sure if I'm going to be okay without the bed sheet on me and under me for the nights left, but I have to go through these days left anyway-again, there's no choice. There're just so many things to do. Tomorrow is another day for one-to-one. By the way, the case arrived today, that speed is pretty impressive. = v = Just it's too purple that makes me a little sick of it. I thought it would be a lighter purple, according to the picture online. But since Mabel seems really found of purple, which shut me off the judge about the case-have no idea why couldn't I judge the case of mine. That's the case I bought~

Well, well, tomorrow is another day. I guess Zion is just not gonna come in today and he's not gonna fix the bath-tub anyway, so, what can I do~

Wish my parents healthy.
Amituofo!
Pusabaoyou!